Stop The Tears From Falling
by Murasaki2
Summary: Set during "Crime", from the fourth Tokyo Babylon tank. Subaru shows up at Seishirou's door, soaking wet and needing comfort. God that sounds cliche, doesn't it? Let me try again: Seishirou decides to see how far a vulnerable Subaru is willing to go. Yup,


**STOP THE TEARS FROM FALLING  
  
**

  
_I wake to the sound of rain against a window. For a few moments, I simply lie on the unfamiliar, king-sized bed, staring in disorientation up at the strange ceiling.  
  
Rain against the window. It rained last night as well...  
  
I can't recall what happened last night very clearly for some reason. It's all bits and flashes, the way a dream is remembered bits and flashes that don't really follow any particular order.  
  
I can't remember why I feel like crying.  
  
_

***  


  
It was pouring. He walked alone through the streets of Tokyo. Through the rain, the illumination from the streetlights acquired an otherworldly, surreal appearance. Through the rain  
  
He walked alone through the rain, and it was raining inside his heart as well. Through his tears, the whole world seemed distant and surreal, like a twisted dream. Life seemed a twisted dream.  
  
Subaru's black coat snapped angrily in the wind, and the rain pelted his face. It didn't matter. He couldn't tell how much of the water running down his face was due to the storm and how much to his own tears.   
  


***  


  
_It's beginning to come back, part of it, anyway It poured last night, and I lied to a woman. I remember now. I felt terrible, I felt worthless and selfish and like such a hypocrite. And then I remembered Seishirou-san had promised to make me dinner. So I came here, to his apartment, telling myself I would apologize for being rude enough to cancel on him, and then I'd walk home and I wanted to believve that I could walk towards home for the entire night.  
  
Except I was lying then too, to myself. I came to Seishirou-san's apartment because I wanted to be near him I wanted him to hold me, to make it better I wanted him to stop the tears from falling.  
_  
_And he did.   
  
Didn't he?  
  
_

***  


  
Subaru barely even had to think about where he was going. Before he knew it, he was just there, standing in the hall outside Seishirou's door. He rang the doorbell while the water dripping from his clothes made a small puddle by his feet.  
  
Seishirou's voice answered though the door.  
  
It was cold. He hadn't realized how _/cold/ _it was he would be freezing by the time he got home not that he really cared.  
  
The door opened then, and Subaru winced as the hallway was flooded with light. He averted his eyes, and found himself staring at the puddle collecting at his feet. He wondered how pitiful a sight he was.  
  
You should have called for me to come get you, the worried note in Seishirou's voice forced Subaru to raise his head. I was worried about you!  
  
I'm sorry, you went to the trouble of making me dinner but I have some things on my mind tonight. I'll just go home. Water from the rain soaked him, it ran down his cheeks, mingling with the tears until it was impossible to tell which was which.  
  
Subaru-kun, what happened to you?   
  
Subaru felt something snap inside him at the note of concern in Seishirou's low, velvety voice. He had been crying since he'd left the woman and her daughter's ghost behind, but his tears had been dull and contained, it was as if he'd been afraid to truly give in to his grief, to his doubts, to his guilt. But now, standing before Seishirou he couldn't hold it anymore, he didn't _have_ to hold it in anymore  
  
Seishirou stared at the grief suddenly transfixing Subaru's delicate features; there was something compellingly beautiful about it. He started to put his arms around the boy, a reflex really, much like one would automatically reach out to pet a kitten, but he stopped in midaction. Instead, he scooped the slender body into his arms. Subaru's eyes flew open, staring at Seishirou in shocked surprise.  
  
Seishirou-san!!  
  
I'm going to take you to my room, Seishirou felt the young man tense in his arms, so he continued in a softer, soothing voice Hokuto-chan would kill me if you caught a cold.  
  
Subaru stared at Seishirou for a second, but he was too distraught to protest, not when he felt so _safe_ in the older man's arms. So he shut his eyes tightly and threw his arms around the older man's neck, sagging gratefully against Seishirou's body. He buried his face against the wide chest, crying softly as he was carried to the bedroom.  
  


***  


  
_All those times I've protested against Seishirou's advances and yet last night I let him take me to his room without objection I really am such a hypocrite.  
  
And yet it wasn't like /**that/** not at first.  
  
He didn't demand or expect anything of me for a long time. He was just there, holding me while I cried myself dry.  
_

***  


  
Sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard, Seishirou stroked the silky hair of the boy in his arms. So fragile, so delicate he could have snapped his spine in two without making any real effort.  
  
_Why don't I? To let the bet play itself out? Or is there another reason?  
  
_He looked down at Subaru's gloved hand, resting on his chest. Black, impenetrable gloves, that failed to conceal what was beneath, the mark he knew was there, pulsing on the back of the young onmyouji's hand. Pulsing with the beat of his own heart  
  
_My own heart I have a heart? That has yet to be proven, Subaru-kun  
  
_Eventually, Subaru's sobs subsided. Tears still made wet trails down his cheeks, but his breathing was easier, calmer.  
  
Seishirou gently pushed his shoulders back, so he'd sit up on his own. The older man's eyes were unfathomable and dark while he wiped Subaru's tears away. Then he smiled, and Subaru recognized the veterinarian he was too afraid to admit that he loved.  
  
Your clothes are wet, Subaru-kun, Seishirou said as he stood up. He headed for the door, stopping by the closet on the way out. He took out a neatly folded pair of pajamas - they were still brand new, since he didn't really wear them and laid them on the chair by the door.  
  
Put those on, Subaru-kun. I'll go make you some tea.  
  
And he stepped outside.   


***  


  
_I feel like a small child in Seishirou-san's clothes should I be surprised to still be wearing them? My mind is sluggish this morning; I'm having a hard time fitting together the pieces of last night   
  
I wanted comfort   
  
What did Seishirou-san give me?  
  
_

***  


  
Subaru lay in Seishirou's bed, shivering despite being covered up to his chin in blankets. He had been warm enough a half hour ago, with Seishirou beside him, with his voice whispering words of comfort.  
  
Subaru closed his eyes, trying to bring back Seishirou's warmth, his presence, his words  
  
_Please forgive yourself as well, Subaru-kun   
_  
The older man had pushed him gently until he lay with his head in Seishirou's lap, he'd caressed his face with soothing hands and had whispered that he'd stay with him, and chase away anyone calling him a liar. He'd told him to sleep, and gently made him close eyes and then Seishirou had left the room.  
  
Subaru had laid there for awhile, drifting slowly towards sleep, still feeling vaguely sad, but somehow not as hopeless. Until he started to get cold he didn't want to be alone.   
  
And so Subaru stared up at the ceiling, thinking of the arms that were longer around him.  
  
Seishirou had said he'd stay, but then he'd left  
  
_I don't want to be cold anymore I don't want to cry Seishirou-san, you said you'd stay  
_  
Subaru got out of bed, wrapping the blanket around his thin frame. He padded quietly to the door and reached for the handle and then he hesitated, hearing a self-mocking voice whisper in his head  
  
_What are you doing Subaru? You're going to ask him to hold you? Do you really believe that's all he wants? All **you** want? If you go to him now, like this you know what you'd be getting into  
  
_Subaru's hand closed into a tight fist inches from the door's handle. He closed his eyes, searching his heart, wading through the night's tears.  
  
Then, he hesitantly opened the door.  
  


***  


  
_I went to him last night. Didn't I? I remember that much opening the door and finding Seishirou reading at the table I didn't see what it was he was reading, and he looked up at me as soon as I started to step into the room  
_  


***  


  
  
  
What is it, Subaru-kun?  
  
Subaru remained just beyond the door, shuffling his feet and feeling a flush color his cheeks.  
  
I'm cold, Seishirou-san  
  
Do you want another blanket?  
  
no But you said Subaru dropped his eyes and swallowed hard   
  
It came out in a rush, and Seishirou merely stared back at him for a moment. Subaru felt mortified at the implications of his words, at the fact that Seishirou wasn't saying anything.   
  
I wasn't sure you'd want me **right there**, in the bedroom.  
  
Seishirou fixed the boy with a penetrating gaze.  
  
But I Subaru whispered in a small, slightly ashamed voice don't want to be alone tonight. Seishirou-san  
  
Whatever book Seishirou had been reading before Subaru's interruption lay abandoned on the table. Seishirou had crossed the room and was now standing very close to a suddenly speechless Subaru.  
  
You don't have to be alone, Subaru-kun, his voice had dropped to a low whisper that made Subaru shiver even as it made him forget the cold. What happened this evening, that woman and her child, the rain, the cold, the loneliness you feel, your own guilt I can make it all go away, I can make you forget it all.  
  
Subaru swallowed hard, feeling his knees turn to water. He wasn't **that** naïve; he knew what those words really meant, when whispered in that earnest, husky voice. He was afraid to meet Seishirou's eyes.  
  
Do you want me to do that, Subaru-kun?  
  
The older man took hold of Subaru's chin and forced his face up. Green eyes met Seishirou's, those eyes were open and frightened and held an overpowering need Seishirou suppressed a smile.  
  
I just want you to stop the tears, Seishirou-san can you really do that?  
  
Without a word, Seishirou bridged the remaining distance and drew Subaru into his arms. A low cry escaped Subaru's throat, but was lost as Seishirou's lips covered his own, warm, firm lips pressed gently against his. Subaru didn't think, he simply parted his own lips under the soft pressure. Even as Subaru started to let himself go, Seishirou reined in his instincts, he didn't want to alarm the boy, not yet. He broke the kiss and was satisfied to hear Subaru's whimper of protest.   
  
You're so young, Subaru-kun, Seishirou caressed his face. I probably shouldn't you probably don't even really understand perhaps you should go back to bed.  
  
Subaru exclaimed I don't want to be alone, Seishirou-san and I /do/ understand.  
  
Do you /really/?  
  
Make the tears stop, Seishirou-san. Make me forget. Please?  
  
Subaru's hands gripped the fabric of Seishirou's shirt tightly. Seishirou didn't move, and Subaru forced himself to meet Seishirou's eyes. The older man studied the sudden fire in those eyes. He knew that Subaru was most likely unaware of what that fire meant, he might not even know it was there, escaping through his transparent eyes, a telltale sign of needs he had never acknowledged.  
  
Lack of acknowledgement doesn't make a fact disappear. If anyhthing, it feeds it, makes it stronger, thriving undisturbed and hidden. Just like this fire in Subaru's eyes.  
  
_This might turn out to be even more interesting than I had hoped, Subaru-kun.  
_  
Seishirou pulled Subaru off his feet and into his arms. Once again, he carried the boy to the bed, but this time he didn't stand back or sit on the edge of the bed once he placed the young man was lying on it. Seishirou leaned over Subaru, his hands tentatively beginning to explore the slender body through the thin cover of the pajamas. A body that seemed frail and delicate as a porcelain doll, that seemed about to shatter at a touch In a way it did shatter, because at Seishirou's touch, an unimagined flood of emotion and desire flooded Subaru's being, something he'd never felt before, something he wasn't quite prepared for. Something that left him shaking uncontrollably and helplessly in Seishirou's shadow.  
  
Seishirou's caresses paused then, and he met Subaru's eyes.  
  
Are you afraid, Subaru-kun?  
  
don't know  
  
You don't know what to expect. It's understandable that you don't know whether to feel fear.  
  
Seishirou punctuated his words by leaning down to kiss Subaru's neck, while gently forcing his head to tilt back with one hand. His other hand slipped under the soft fabric, and he ran it teasingly up Subaru's cool skin, incidentally pushing the shirt upwards.  
  
Subaru closed his eyes, lost in a world whose existence he'd known in theory but never in practice. The hand pushing his head back slid from his chin to his mouth, and he parted his lips involuntarily, allowing Seishirou to slip his fingers inside his mouth. Subaru moaned softly, his eyes closed  
  
And as Subaru moaned, Seishirou smiled. A secretive, predatory smile.  
  


***  


  
_I don't know if I dreamt it. I've never really had dreams like that before not any that I remember once I wakeup. But sometimes, in the morning, I feel this strange sort of yearning. I stay in the shower a long time those days, just letting the hot water travel down my body. It soothes me somehow, but I don't know why I need soothing.  
  
Was it a dream? Was it my imagination? Did Seishirou-san touch me like that?  
_  


***  


  
Seishirou-san Subaru gasped as Seishirou's lips traveled down his chest, pausing to lick at one nipple, then to bite softly at the other. Subaru's back arched in response, and Seishirou's lips continued laying a trail down the center of the boy's smooth stomach. There was a brief pause, then Subaru's muscles tensed as he felt Seishirou's hands at his hips, lifting them off the mattress so he could slide the pajamas and underwear off him.  
  
I he flushed, somehow embarrassed both by the situation and by the fact that, despite his sudden apprehension, he simply couldn't bring himself to ask the older man to stop.  
  
But Seishirou did pause, right in the act of sliding the pants down Subaru's legs. He slid up and propped himself on one elbow so his face was directly above Subaru's. The young man's throat felt dry. He could feel the heat radiating from the body above his, he could see naked, open desire in Seishirou's eye it was something he had never faced in his sixteen years of life.  
  
And yet, Seishirou's words were gentle and reassuring.  
  
Subaru-kun, we don't **have** to, you know.  
  
know he whispered weakly But I I want I  
  
Seishirou silenced him with a finger on his lips, while his thumb massaged Subaru's cheek. He looked down at him for a moment. Then he smiled, the same teasing smiled that he wore whenever he was saying things that made Subaru's cheeks flame.  
  
Do you want me, Subaru-kun? Do you trust me?  
  
The question hung in the air a moment while their eyes met and were locked together. Guileless green eyes, as clear as a calm sea that allows one to see to its depths looked up into Seishirou's dark eyes. Seishirou met that gaze unflinching, but wondered how deep into him the Sumeragi might see.  
  
Subaru's face broke into a smile.  
  
I do, Seishirou-san. I trust you. And I his voice dropped, becoming softer but no less certain I do want you.  
  


***  


  
_Do you want me, Subaru-kun  
  
How many times has Seishirou asked me that, in any variety of ways? And I've always blushed furiously and refused to answer.  
  
Want. Desire. Need. It's not something I'd prepared myself for handling. It's not something I can answer. Except I think I answered that last night It's all so hazy  
  
Do you trust me?  
  
Dark eyes. Unreadable eyes, and when he smiles, they seem darker than ever.  
  
What is trust, if not a leap of faith? And where there is certainty, there can be no faith.  
  
I do trust you, Seishirou-san. I have faith in you.   
_  


***  


  
I do want you.  
  
Subaru's words were like a release. Seishirou leaned down, kissing his face, his lips, his neck, while his hands caressed his torso, his hips. Seishirou's hands slid Subaru's shirt off his shoulders; they tugged at the trousers already half off, until finally Subaru lay naked under him, his pale, slender body exposed and open.  
  
Subaru-kun, help me Seishirou took the boy's hands in his and guided them from button to button, until he continued on his own, his touch fleeting and teasing. Instinct began to take over and Subaru pushed Seishirou's shirt away without any need for prompting, his fingers marveling and beginning to explore the firm body before him. Seishirou caught one of his hands then, and then slowly and deliberately placed it on the bulge at the front of his pants. Subaru tensed again, his eyes jumping to meet Seishirou's as a flush colored his cheeks, but he didn't flinch away. His eyes were uncertain for a moment and then, blushing even more, he began to undo Seishirou's belt. Once he was done he hesitated once again, then tentatively drew the zipper down as a shiver of pleasure ran down the older man's spine in response to that light touch.  
  
Seishirou sat up then, and shrugged out of his shirt before taking off his pants, his eyes never leaving Subaru's, watching as the flush deepened in the boy's cheeks and his breath began to come quicker. Then Seishirou settled over him again, his hands sliding under Subaru's knees, drawing his legs up and apart. He laid kisses on Subaru's stomach, lower and lower until he finally took Subaru into his mouth. The boy let out a startled cry, but Seishirou didn't pause or give him time to readjust this time. His tongue slid around Subaru's length, flickered on his tip, drawing him mercilessly along. Subaru's head fell backwards, he tightened his eyes as the sensations intensified. His gasped and moaned and crumpled the sheet compulsively in one of his hands, while the other tangled in Seishirou's dark hair. He was unaware that his hips had begun to thrust into Seishirou's mouth. He wasn't aware of anything but Seishirou's mouth enveloping him and a growing pressure beginning to fill him.  
  
Abruptly the sensations disappeared. Seishirou smiled in satisfaction at Subaru's whimper of protest.  
  
the older man silenced him with a passionate, rough kiss on the lips. Subaru swallowed his protests, losing himself in the sensations, in the feeling of Seishirou's tongue invading his mouth, of his weight on top of him. He didn't notice Seishirou blindly rummaging through the open drawer on the nightstand with a free hand, or pulling a small jar out of it.  
  
He did notice, however, when Seishirou's finger slid inside him.  
  
Subaru let out a hoarse startled gasp, his eyes flying open as his body responded involuntarily by trying to squirm away from Seishirou.  
  
But Seishirou would have none of it. His free arm slid behind the small of Subaru's arching back, pulling the boy's body closer, keeping him still. His kisses turned soothing even as his finger probed inside the slender body.  
  
Subaru's faint whimpers of pain became moans of pleasure as Seishirou found the spot he was searching for. His eyes fell shut again as Seishirou stroked him, adding more fingers as he was stretched.  
  
And then Seishirou withdrew his fingers. As Subaru's eyes turned to him in a feverish question, the older man pushed his knees apart and positioned himself, barely pausing before sliding inside him in one slow, smooth motion. Subaru let out a small cry, but Seishirou's voice in his ear was reassuring.  
  
You trust me, right? Subaru managed a nod Relax, Subaru-kun. Just relax and let go for me, will you?  
  
Subaru took a deep breath and untensed his clenched muscles. Seishirou began to thrust into him, slow thrusts, each one deeper than the last, creating a rhythm that Subaru's body could anticipate, become accostumed to. After awhile, Subaru began to move with him, against him, meeting Seishirou with his hips.   
  
Seishirou allowed himself a smile, his eyes travelling up the boy's body. Subaru's head was thrown back and his eyes were shut tightly. Seishirou reached up to caress that face, thrusting a little harder to get the boy's attention.   
  
Look at me, Subaru-kun. I want you to look at me.  
  
Subaru's eyes flew open. Seishirou had taken off his glasses, and Subaru found himself trapped in that gaze.  
  
_/Dark eyes lost in shadows. Predator's eyes./  
  
_Are you okay, Subaru-kun? Seishirou didn't pause.  
  
  
  
Do you like this, Subaru-kun?  
  
oh! Subaru's answer was replaced by a gasp as Seishirou pushed deeper inside him, more forcefully.  
  
_/Like a blade sliding into a body or taut hand, pushing into a little girl's chest./_  
  
  
  
I Seishirou was moving faster, more violently. Subaru's thoughts ran away from him, were blown away.  
  
_/Like sakura blossoms in the wind. Pink sakura blossoms./_  
  
Do you like this Subaru-kun?  
  
Seishirou-san  
_  
/A storm of blossoms in a violent wind/_  
  
sorry Subaru gasped out I can't hear you because of the wind  
  
_/Do you know why/_  
  
Do you Seishirou pulled out, straightening, grabbing Subaru's hips and lifting them off the bed.  
  
_/these blossoms/_  
  
Do you like it Seishirou buried himself inside Subaru's body   
  
_/are pink?/_  
  
Oh god, YES! Subaru's voice was raw and torn, just the way his body felt.  
  
You like it? You want me, Subaru-kun, like this?  
  
Subaru's only answer was a load moan.  
  
Harder? Like this? Seishirou knifed into him, wondering fleetingly if the boy's body could take this.   
  
Subaru's legs wrapped around Seishirou's waist tightly, bracing himself.  
  
like this oh god  
  
Subaru's eyes slid closed, he felt like he would explode any second, like the sakura exploding in his mind.  
  
_/They feed on the blood of the bodies/   
_  
He cried out, and pink petals exploded into red behind his closed eyelids.  
  
_/buried beneath the tree/  
_  
He shattered, his world exploded in an endless instant of pleasure mingled forever with pain, and a pair of dark eyes stared into his soul.  
  
There was no past, there was no future. Just the world exploding and those eyes amongst the blossoms that were the shreds of his mind.  
  
You are mine, Subaru-kun  
  
His eyes snapped open, and Seishirou stared down at him. The nameless man under the tree stared through those eyes too.  
  


As the orgasm ripped through his body, Subaru fínally understood the truth.   
  
***  


  
_I feel strangely numb this morning. Spent. I feel spent.  
  
Can a person feel this tired after crying? No, this feels like it should have a physical cause.   
  
Why is last night so hazy? I remember Seishirou's lips so clearly, but not much else.  
  
What happened?  
  
_

***  
  


  
I don't feel so bad about lying to that woman about her daughter.  
  
I can't remember the details, but somehow, I **know** that he gave me what I wanted, didn't he? Somehow I'm sure of **that** much. What I wanted, nothing less and nothing more.  
  
But then why haven't they stopped?  
  
Why didn't the tears stop falling inside my heart/why am I still crying inside/why are the tears still falling inside me?  
  
But then why do I still want to cry? Why haven't the tears stopped falling inside me?  



End file.
